Poor Man's Noodles

Some people say that mackerel is a dirty fish, I have no truck with this point of view, apart from the odd thing they might gulp down by mistake they spend their lives drinking good Highland seawater, they're very well hydrated I'm told. I'm also sure that award winning director Hayao Miyazaki who feeds this meal to his animation team on a regular basis would agree, as it was his movie (extra features on the DVD) Spirited Away that brought this magnificent noodle recipe to our shores. So full credit to the undead, the spiritual bath house for the frog people and the flooded path and railway line that leads to the scary witch's house. Special thanks to Chihiro and Haku.

Ingredients for Poor Man's Noodles: Instant noodles - your favourite kind, cooked/canned fish in oil – chopped (mackerel will do but apparently there are many other fish in the sea), an egg, chopped spring onion or other vegetable (optional).

Method: cook the noodles normally, a three minute boil does, add the egg (slowly stir it so it cooks in the noodle's heat), add the chopped fish, simmer for minute. Throw away the spring onions, they'll only give you dodgy breath, drain and serve. Makes a good quick snack or an unconventional winter warmer.

Silver Darlings

Fife's Forgotten Fast Food has been overlooked too long so an revival is due. Here's the easy way to start educating your taste buds in how to savour the staples our forefathers enjoyed (?).

1 pot of roll mop herring from the Hopetoun Farm Shop (drained).

4 small slices of brown wholemeal toast a la Jack Nicholson, Five Easy Pieces.

Thinly spread with salted butter.

Combine.

Add a lot of pepper and quaff a glass of dry white wine.

yum

Japanese Lunch Boxes

Ok, these are not recipes at all, they're lunch boxes but kids lunch boxes as they are designed and prepared in Japan. Put simply these are weird, brilliant, inspirational and disturbing all at the same time. If you want to see more (and there are plenty) it's an easy google. Can it happen here?

Tank Commander Pasta

Bill of material: Kraft CP a la Gary, sausage, tomato, seasoning, cheese. Time to cook? 30 mins all in.

Based around the 67p classic Kraft pasta you know and love. Make it up according to the eighteen key words on the box. At the final sauce stage add a chopped up smoked sausage (or chorizo if you're flush), allow a bit of the liquid to boil away. Then lay it out mortician style in a Pyrex dish, add a sliced tomato, pepper and cheesy sprinkles according to taste. Bake at 150 for about twenty. Please ignore decoy banana that bombed the photo.

Here's one I ate a part of earlier.

Maple Sweet Potato

If you don't use sweet potatoes then you should, easy to use (apart from the peeling) and versatile. Here's the deal:

A dish (6 -8) Sweet Potatoes, maple syrup, seasoning, oil, garlic and chili peppers.

Peel the veg, lay in a dish, add a drop or two oil and the rest, drizzle with a decent MS and bake at about 180 degrees for 25 minutes. Mmmm.

Scottish Eggs

N.B these are baked and not deep fried therefore very healthy and nutritious. Above is an actual photo.

You need 6 eggs, 14oz sausage meat, breadcrumbs and a 7th egg that has been beaten.

Hard boil the eggs, shell them and wrap them in sausage meat (a sixth per egg), quite a fiddly process but satisfying. Dip them one by one into the beaten egg and roll them in a decent amount of breadcrumbs. Wash your mucky paws now. Place on a baking tray and bake in a PRE-HEATED oven at 190 C or gas 5 until brown - about 30 minutes.

To spice up a little add pepper or chili sauce or some other tasty stuff to the meat. Mmmm.

Abercorn Roast Chicken.

OK, not a recipe, more like advice: Roasting a chicken in a bag is far easier than roasting a chicken in tin foil. Of course the tin foil saves the chicken from alien mind control and cosmic rays but it can be tricky to handle in the “ouch, feckin' ouch!” moment when you try to remove the hot fowl from the roasting tray. The bag is made of some even more magical material than aluminium, this stuff breathes and blows up like a balloon or a steam engine but curiously it lets out grease, gunge and juices at the same time. I can't really explain it, it's as unfathomable as the depths of Radio 6 or the backwards meaning of the Times editorial June 4^th. The bags have a secret nylon wrap, born from that strange sexually ambivalent moment that occurred when New York met London on a moonlit night in the thirties whilst under the influence of champagne in a world that was not as free as it considered itself to be. To purchase said containers means a trip to some Tesco emporium, 50p for two, hardly rocket science prices.

Serve with family, baked spuds, corn, creamed neeps and carrot, works for me.

Erin's fridge cake

An early part of the process, details to follow.

Cauli-ali-flower Cheese

Ingredients:- 2 bags of Tesco frozen cauliflower florets; 2 bottles of Homepride Potato Bake, Garlic & Herb Sauce; 1 bag Tesco grated cheese; 2 onions sizzled in a little olive oil; seasoning; tomato, oregano

• Parboil the florets and drain
• Sizzle the onions
• Add the sauce to the sizzled onions, stir and season
• Add most of the cheese to the sauce and melt it in gently
• Add the florets and mix well
• Pour the mixture into a shallow oven proof dish
• Sprinkle remaining grated cheese on top
• Garnish with sliced tomato and oregano
• Bake in a hot oven for about 40 minutes
• Serve piping hot with warm crusty bread and salad

Serves about 10

Chutney Diaries

Back in the day......

Marmalade Sausages

Ingredients:- cooked and ready to eat mini-sausages; marmalade

• Mix the sausages and marmlade together in shallow oven proof dish
• Bake for about 30 mins at a fairly high setting
• Serve!

John's Sticky Chicky

Ingredients:- Bits of Chicken, Chutney, Frozen Peppers, Tomato Puree, Onions.

• Chop 4 x chicken breasts, 2 x onion shaped onions.
• Place in a large casserole, add peppers and (our own homemade) chutney, tomato and stir.
• Bake slowly at about 180 for at least three hours, don't cover. Stir now and again.
• The fluid should cook away leaving "sticky" sweet chicken and vegetables.
• A bit of random burning helps.
• Serve with rice. Yum.
• For a variation add / try other select chutneys i.e. mango, beer and apple etc.

Chocolate Stuff

I've lost it again!

Need help!